Sunday, 19 July 2015
7 scary signs your baby is turning into a toddler!
Unfortunately there is no cure to toddlerhood except time. But you can look for the signs and manage the condition.
So how do you know your baby, the subject, is undergoing 'the change'? I did a bit of research on this... here are some of the signs to watch for...
1. They start of walk or 'toddle'.
Apparently, the subject may begin walking or 'toddling'. Barricades and playpens can no longer contain your little movers. Let the toddler- proofing commence! Tick that one off our list. The koala can stand happily unassisted, cruise along furniture and is not far off those first steps.
Management: Install gates in every doorway, locks on every cupboard and whatever else you can think of to slow then down.
2. The bruises appear.
You may feel like you need to hide these in public so strangers don't feel the need to call Child Services, but the subjects will view these as a badge of honor as they inevitably bump/trip/fall over everything, resulting in bruises. Lots of bruises. Often seen of the subjects forehead and knees. See exhibit A - bruised knees results from falling and climbing.
Management: Can you wrap your child in bubble wrap? Probably not recommended...
3. Outfit changes.
I know we've done this since they were born, but the reasons have changed. You used to change the subjects outfit thanks for poo-explosions or vomit, now its paint, dirt, and food. Your child is now so grubby you are slightly embarrassed to be seen in public with them... 'what no, that's not my child in the grass-stained pants and covered head to toe in squashed pumpkin and drawing on the wall with crayons..."
Management: Start washing the subjects clothes in a separate wash to yours. As for the countless outfit changes, embrace the dirt for it is here to stay. Plus it'll surely save you on loads of washing if you just let them stay in filthy clothes.
4. Sporadic outbursts of crying.
Yes, babies cry too but crying is now becoming more about want and less about need. Babies cry because they are hungry, tired, need their nappy changed and so on. You may notice the subject begin to cry because they want something. Maybe you took away their favourite new toy, say Daddy's keys, or maybe you wont let them eat the dead cockroach. Cue the crying. Ok, lets be honest, this is no longer crying - its a combination of whining and temper tantrums. Expect this symptom to last until adulthood.
Management: Whisky? For you, not them...
5. Take her please.
Remember when the subject was a newborn and you were super protective when someone wanted to hold her? Well now you may be hanging out for that weekly visit from your mother so you can hand said subject straight over. Yes take my child please!
Management: Learnt to love your mother in law, invite her over everyday. You may even consider moving in with your parents.
6. The reach and grab.
Has grocery shopping becoming difficult with the subject reaching out for everything you wheel past? Yes? well you may have a case of impending toddlerhood. Expect this one to get worse, especially when they can start nagging you for everything they see in a colourful package and worse again when they can actually walk and you discover 20 packets of batteries in your trolley when you go to unload, along with a half eaten chocolate bar that is sadly, not yours.
Management: Find a distraction, and fast!
7. Dropping sleep.
*Sniff sniff* the only thing keeping mums sane! Those of you that follow my post regularly know that the koala is a sh*t sleeper. Well, now is the time for 'sleep consolidation'... assuming you have sleep to consolidate. Has the subject started to drop to only one day sleep or refusing naps altogether? Looks like 'the change' may already be taking over. Never fear, one day they will be teenagers. Then you couldn't pay them to get out of bed. You can rest then.
What are you best tips for surviving toddlerhood? I am going to need all the help I can get!
Ultimate Rabbit Hole